It’s been three weeks, and things are already getting fuzzy, so I better get down what I can remember before it’s gone completely.

The night before my scheduled c section, Moses woke up several times, ending with his wake up at 4:30am.  I brought him in to snuggle with my sister on her blow up mattress, he wasn’t interested at first, but finally warmed up and I was able to get ready.  I was glad I got to say good bye to Moses, but nervous for the surgery coming up.

5:30AM we left for the hospital.

5:45AM we check in.  Everything is going smoothly and some poor woman is wheeled in on a wheel chair moaning and looking like she is in absolute hell.  The check in desk attendant was kind of, rude is the wrong word, short?  I don’t know, he said, “Oh, you’re back.”  She got taken in and shortly after so were we.

5:50AM we are taken to our room.  It’s twice the size of the room I labored in for 24 hours with Moses while I was induced.  I’m instantly retroactively mad that I got stuck in that hideous room for Moses birth, with that hideous bed.  The lack of coffee I’m sure has something to do with this.  I get into my gown and my nurse puts the monitors on my stomach.  I like our nurse, but that is until she tries to place my IV and cannot get blood to come out.  Something about a valve?  She has to try again on my right arm.  Not ideal for breast feeding, I’m getting too nervous to be irritated.   The baby is kicking around and we hear the whooshes on the monitor.

7:00AM shift change.  Our new nurse is pretty chipper, I don’t love chipper, but she is really great, and explains everything about the surgery.  I tell her I had a pretty traumatic time with Moses and that I’m pretty freaked out.  She tells me she’s going to be there the whole way through to recovery and it makes me feel a little better.

7:15AM the anesthesiologist visits.  He explains the spinal block, risks etc.  He goes through the surgery for me again.  I’m starting to feel more nerves and tell him about my previous c section.  He tells me he’s got whatever I need and he’ll be by my head the whole time.  If I have any questions during the surgery, he’ll be right there with me.

7:45AM My doctor arrives!  I love her.  She tells me that my OR is ready but we have to wait for another OR to clear in case there’s an emergency.  They need to keep on OR open.  She talks me through the surgery.  At this point, I feel like I could run the procedure the number of times it’s been explained to me.

8:10AM we get the go ahead for the surgery and S gets into his scrubs and the nurse takes our bags away.  S has left the camera in my bag.  I tell him to just use his iPhone, but my doctor is like, “NO!” She personally takes S to find my camera, and finds it because S is a mess and cannot follow directions.  I wonder to myself if the anesthesiologist can give him something for HIS nerves.

8:15AM Our nurse tells us this is it!  She makes us take a picture.

We part ways in the hallway and I walk into a very bright, very cold OR.  Bob Marley is playing.  I consider telling them to change it but I’m superstitious so I don’t want to mess up anyone’s flow and leave it.

8:16AM My doctor holds my hands while the anesthesiologist does his thing.  There are so many fewer doctors in the room this time.  Two anesthesiologists, my doctor, her partner, two nurses – one for me, one for Manny and another medical person – what was she, who knows, I was just hoping this was going to go smoothly.

My legs start to feel numb.  I hate this feeling and remember it vividly from Moses labor. I think if I had to do it all over again, the epidural would wait.  That numb paralyzed feeling is awful to me.  They start doing the whole, “Can you feel this, how about this?” routine and I feel like I’m in the optometrist’s office except instead of a glasses prescription I’m about to be cut open, so I really don’t want to screw up.

The drape is put up and they bring S in finally, I mutter something about the reggae, but S likes the song that’s playing, Soul Rebel.  It seems like a really long time that they’re cutting me open, but they have to cut off my keloid scar and get through some scar tissue from my last surgery and finally my doctor tells S to get the camera ready.

8:46AM He’s out.  It takes what seems like forever for him to cry.  There’s that moment of drama, the moment when you’re wondering and hoping and thinking WHY ISN’T HE CRYING YET, and then bam, he cries.  He cries, I cry, it’s such a universal moment for moms, but there it is.  My doctor says, “He’s so cute! and he looks smart!”  They tell S to peak over the drape and he takes a picture.

They bring him over to the warming table and work on him a bit.  There’s a little concern about his grunting.  It’s decided that he’ll go with me to recovery and they’ll assess from there. C section babies’ lungs don’t get the mucous squeezed out in the birth canal so they worry about lack of big wailing cries.

While they’re cleaning him up, I’m getting stitched up.  It takes a little while because they treat the site with steroids and she does actual stitches instead of staples in an effort to prevent keloid scarring again.  While all of this is going on, S cuts the cord, and I am trying to catch glimpses of my baby.  He looks so tiny.

I finally get to meet Immanuel.  He’s gorgeous.

After what seems like forever, we get to head to recovery and after successful latching but not a lot of crying, just grunting, they send him to the nursery to be bathed to make sure there are no underlying breathing issues.  He’s returned to me and pronounced completely healthy.

I wish I could have given birth to Moses naturally, so that I could give birth to Manny naturally, but hey, this was so much more pleasant and calm than the last time around, I am fine.