Archive for February, 2017

Published by admin on 11 Feb 2017

We know who’s really doing the planting*

I’ve been looking at plantations for sale all day. I don’t know, either. Maybe I watched Gone With the Wind too many times as a kid. Maybe there’s something about big old haunted houses. Maybe it’s that you can buy hundreds of acres and a historic home that is big enough to house you, your friends and your friends families. Whatever the case, it soothes me.

I thought I’d share my favorites from today. I do recommend this article first, though. These homes were built on the backs of slaves. Slaves were murdered, tortured, raped and then after the war had no place to go – so while some think they stayed because they just loved their masters so much – uh, no. Nope.

So while, yes, I can enjoy looking at these properties now, I do not forget what happened there.

First up, Seabrook Plantation in South Carolina. From the listing: Seabrook Plantation is located on a branch of the North Edisto River, Steamboat Creek, just south of Charleston, South Carolina on Edisto Island. The house was built by William Seabrook in 1810 on 350 acres with majestic views, surrounded by deep water (approximately forty feet). Kiawah and Seabrook Island are only a short boat ride away. The house is a Federal-style plantation with a grand, double staircase designed by James Hoban, the architect of the White House. The main house has five bedrooms, four full baths, and two half baths. In addition to the main house, there are two guest houses, two docks, a caretaker’s house, a tea house and dock, and greenhouses. The property has been managed for hunting and recreational activities.

Translated: This place is old, it’s on an island (!), from slave times, has slave quarters, and the best staircase I saw all day.

Seabrook Plantation
Seabrook Plantation
Seabrook Plantation
Seabrook Plantation
Definitely click through and look at all of the pictures, Seabrook Plantation is so well restored (at least to my untrained eye) and worth a look at those beautiful trees with Spanish moss. It’s only $8.5 million. It seems like a steal.

Next, Barton Hall.  From the listing: Barton Hall was selected as a National Historic Landmark in 1973 because it “possesses exceptional value and quality in illustrating the heritage of the United States.”  The main dwelling with its 12 and 13 foot high ceilings, heart pine floors, generously large windows throughout, and its breath-taking 40 foot high entrance hall has 7,600± sf of heated, naturally well-lit space. The “Big House” has been described by scholars and architectural historians as “one of the best representations of Greek-Revival Architecture in America.” The master craftsmen that labored close to a decade to interpret and construct the original owners’ dream home produced a true work of art with near perfect proportions and symmetry such that it belies the sheer scale of the structure.

Listing translated: These slave owners were awful, and took a decade of abusing actual humans to build this house.
Barton Hall
Barton Hall
Barton Hall

The listing photos are terrible, and it definitely isn’t as well maintained as Seabrook Plantation, but Alabama… and $1.95 million, so, there you go.

This next place doesn’t have a name, that I can see, so I’ll call it the Sumter Mansion, South Carolina. From the Listing: Traditionally, each owner of this home has shared and passed down stories of its history- From the trap door next to the stairway that is said to have been an escape through a tunnel back to King’s Highway, to the powder marks on the front door during the war. What a home full of stories and history!

Listing Translated: Uh, some shit went down here in the Civil War because the owners probably were terrible humans that thought they should be able to enslave actual people.  Also, whoever they sold it to did some TERRIBLE updates and I hope you Southern slave owner assfaces are rolling in your dumb graves. Also, there are no photos of the staircase. Like, HELLO? I need to see it. God.
Sumter Mansion
Sumter Mansion

 

This next one has a creepy old house on the property called “Findowrie” but that’s one of the smaller buildings on the property that is way haunted and I am pretty sure you couldn’t pay me less than 1000 American dollars to spend the night there. From the listing: House was completely renovated in the early 1990’s using only the finest materials & craftsmen. Surrounding 507+/- acres further compliments the house and allows the property complete privacy. The estate has many improvements including one of the oldest houses in the county “Findowrie”, 4 tenant/guest cottages, stable complex & cattle barn.Property has numerous rolling pastures that are fenced w/board & wire.

Listing translated: Yeah, there’s a lot of ghosts here. And you’re alone on 507 acres so no one is going to hear you scream. Except ghosts. They’ll probably hear you. If ghosts hear.

Also, there are some really shitty updates in this place too. For $11.75 million you can have them all.

Big House related to Findowrie
Big House related to Findowrie
Findowrie

Slade Hall is pretty and doesn’t give me a “we tortured a lot of humans” vibe, but, that might be the flashy video presentation. From the listing: Located on the most prominent street in Eatonton home to Alice Walker and Brer rabbit truly unique Historic setting nestled on 1.07 Acres.”Slade Hall” c.1853 is a rare brick greek revival built to impress all for Daniel Slade and Elizabeth Trippe.

Listing translated: Hey! Alice Walker and Brer Rabbit lived in this town. Brer Rabbit isn’t even a real thing, but this house isn’t full of slave ghosts. Maybe.

Slade Hall
Slade Hall
Slade Hall

And finally, Panola Hall.  Sorry if you follow me on twitter or Facebook because I’ve been obsessed with this one the most. It is haunted by a ghost named Sylvia, who may or may not have jumped to her death from a window onto the brick walk below to escape a bad marriage. Also, you have to be a very “fine sort of person” for her to appear to you.  WIDE EYES EMOJI. From the listing: Built by James M. Broadfield in 1854 for Henry Trippe, the home boast over 6,000 square feet including the lower of three levels, all of which have gracious wide center halls running front to back.
Dr. Hunt , a native New Yorker, acquired “Panola Hall” in 1891 after his marriage to Louisa Prudden, member of a prominent Eatonton Georgia family. A former New York banker, Benjamin Hunt became known for his contributions to the dairy industry and livestock improvement in Putnam County and middle Georgia.

Listing translated: This was built by a “true Southern gentleman” and a carpet bagger from New York came along and now it’s haunted by a ghost.

I think if I had an extra couple dollars lying around right now, I’d fly to Georgia immediately and go on a tour of this house and if Sylvia didn’t appear, well, I’m sure we all expected that. Also, it’s only $649,000. And no worries, there’s a creepy ass basement that’s identical to the first floor, some kind of tunnel and this picture of a weird blocked off door that I don’t understand but if I went there, I’d get to the bottom of.

“La-di-da, look at the gorgeous Georgian revival mansion…”

Panola Hall
Panola Hall
“Oh, here is the interior, that looks pretty.”
Panola Hall

“Huh, I wonder where this little door went to, it’s probably not all walled off to keep any ghosts out of the house…”

Panola Hall
“Oh, this staircase leads downstairs…”
Panola Hall

“TO AN IDENTICAL BASEMENT…

AND A GODDAMNED TUNNEL…”
Panola Hall

 

I’m going to have nightmares about this house tonight.
Panola Hall

Published by admin on 09 Feb 2017

Your hour of rage

I finally got in to see my acupuncturist. She was the back-up acupuncturist my original provider sent me to when she went on maternity leave. Then my original provider decided to give up her practice in Los Angeles and move closer to her family and Catherine became my regular lady. She’s part of the reason I got pregnant with Manny without any medical intervention.

Anyway, it had been over three years since I’d seen her and I had a lot of things I wanted to work on, mostly my stress, sleep and general life stagnation. And look, I don’t know if this is normal, but I kind of think of her as a therapist. She knows about my entire body and all of my brain, and she’s smart and interesting and she just happens to stick needles in me and leave me in a dark room with my thoughts.

We talked about what I’m reading right now (Strangers in Their Own Land) and she wrote it down so she could check it out, but she also said I shouldn’t read it right before bed. She thinks between that, my mainlining MSNBC in bed and constant twitter and Facebook monitoring are terrible for my sleep and my general well being. So she asked if I could just read it at lunch. And so, while I still have MSNBC on right now and I plan on reading before bed tonight, I did spend my lunch hour calling my Senators and Congressman, writing postcards to Trump and Mitch “Fuckface” McConnell (Nevertheless, we persist…) and it feels so good to have that checked off my list of things to do. So, hopefully tomorrow, I can turn off the news before bed and open a novel.

Oh! Any good novels you want to recommend? Like, YA type novels? Like The Wrath & the Dawn. Or… non-YA like a fun mystery. Basically I want easy shit. There, I said it.