Awkwardly Social

I don’t have a lot that I can talk about right now.  Partly because once you start working in TV, you get really paranoid.  It’s basically a law that you stop trusting people once you start having your name appear on the small screen.  I would venture to guess it’s the same for people whose names appear on the big screen, but I haven’t had my name up there so I can only give anecdotal evidence to that fact.  Trust no one is pretty much everyone’s motto here in LA.  It’s a little sad, but whatever.  I don’t trust you people, so what do I care?

Last week I had a pitch at real live network (the network that I think is responsible for creating the format…) for a reality show that I produced with Seth and a partner.  It went pretty swimmingly, but now we wait and refine our pitch and hope that other networks will also want to see our little docu-soap.

I also had my 4th IUI.  It was kind of bizarre to be sitting in the waiting room with the show I’m currently working on playing on the television.  No joke, that happened.

Then I managed to pick a big fight with Seth about his son being in town soon.  I guess my stress about the situation is a very sharing kind of stress in that I want everyone to know how stressed I am, and hope that they’ll be just as stressed as I am.  It didn’t get unusually ugly, but it did involve tears.  Me once again claiming I’m the outsider and I don’t want to be on the inside.  Wah…  Girl who cried wolf usual bullshit.  For those of you who are in the process of falling in love with people who have children from a previous relationship, I feel for you.  Especially if they are young.  I am lucky in that they aren’t young, so they don’t have to live with us.  THANK GOD.

My dear friend BAM, who I couldn’t have made it through undergrad without, blogged about me today, and she said such nice things too…

BAM made me sign up for a class on money and literature once, and I being a glutton for punishment did. She then dropped out leaving me in a class with 5 people and 400 pages of reading to do each week. That meant you would actually have to do the 400 pages of reading and come to class with some sort of real and interesting comprehension/discussion point about those pages. I would have been mad at her, but I couldn’t blame her. I have never met a woman who has been so kind and understanding to me, especially when I was lonely and depressed and needed a friend who knew where all the good pubs were.

Thanks BAM. I miss you!

You know all of those sayings, “Everything happens for a reason,” “Third times a charm,” “Go fuck yourself, you self righteous pig?”  Oh, that last one’s just me.  Not really a saying.

It would be so much easier if I didn’t keep insisting on talking about this.  If I just kept my mouth shut, but there I go again, feeling my feelings all over the internet.

Here’s where I start to sound insane, that is, if you didn’t think I already sounded insane.

I’ve been taking pregnancy tests for the last three days.  And getting very, very faint positive results.  And today, I have my period!  Or whatever that cramping, bleeding not pregnant thing is.  That.  I have that.  And VERY faint positive pregnancy test.  That my friends, is the very definition of a Chemical Pregnancy!  I blame all those Diet Cokes I used to drink.  And am drinking right now.  Because if I’m gonna have my period, I might as well have a little caffeinated aspartame to go along with it.  Tonight there will be tequila!  Or at least wine.  And xanax.  And cigarettes. And IV drugs.  Or you know, early bedtime and chocolate.

Oh, you guys.   I just…  FUCK.

I’ve been working so late I haven’t been watching many baseball games.  Last year at around this time I was getting home around 7, so I could turn on a West Coast game and let it calm my anxiety.   This year at around 7pm every night I’m struggling to get a cut finished so I can get out the door by 9.  New year, new show, new anxieties.

So on Friday, I looked at the schedule and realized the Yankees were in town, and since I love the Yankees, I made it my mission to get tickets for Saturday or Sunday.  Since Sabathia was pitching yesterday, that was the game I really wanted to see, and a few hours later, tickets were purchased and plans were made.  After I working on Saturday, we hit the road to Angels Stadium.

I am a firm believer that once you sit field level, you never really want to go back.

We got there early enough to see the Yankees in batting practice.

And to have a random celebrity sighting.  Why was Snoop there?  No clue but it makes me really love living in LA.  You just never know when a rapper will just show up on the field.

I liked the stadium, and the rally monkey is kind of hilarious if a little annoying.  I would definitely go back to another game.  The Yankees are back in September….