Awkwardly Social

So IUI didn’t work.  We’re sad.

I’m not sure how much more I’m going to talk about what’s going on with this part of my life, partly because it seems so repetitive, and sad.  And being sad about it is only a small part of my day to day, while the waiting and wondering is a constant.   Partly because if I do get pregnant I don’t want to talk about it until we know we don’t have any genetic issues, etc.

Anyway, that’s how I feel today.  Who knows how I’ll feel tomorrow.

I was a freshman in college, had just moved into an apartment with my best friend and decided it would be very grown up of me to get a cat of my very own.

We went down to the Humane Society in Minneapolis, and I looked at all the kittens.  There was a little guy who was kind of on his own, doing his own thing.  I picked him up and he fell asleep in my arms immediately.  He was the one.

We took him home and he forgot all about sleeping, which is how he got his name.  He learned how to play fetch with a ball of tin foil.  He got declawed (the worst decision I ever made) and he grew very large.

I moved away from Minneapolis and back to Phoenix, and Scooter came with me.  I got another cat (Owen) to keep him company, and got my first AOL account, which was a play on Scooter’s name.

I moved around a lot in those years, and finally ended up in California.  He lived with me in California for a year before I got a roommate who was allergic to cats.  And my mom took over the care of Scooter and Owen.  I really loved those dumb cats.

Owen died two years ago, in Seattle.

Scooter died this week.

He was a good, loving cat.  He had sensitive feet from the declawing, and he weighed a million pounds until he went missing for six weeks.  I loved having him in my life, and I’m sorry I didn’t get to see him when I was in Seattle at Christmas.  But I’ll always remember my Scooter Pie.

I’ve had this book for many years.  And I have never made a single one of the recipes, because while I love mac n’ cheese, I’m usually scared of making something fattening.  There are two reasons for that. Number 1, I’ll eat the whole thing and become obese overnight, and number 2, I live in Los Angeles so if I make it and bring it somewhere no one will eat it because everyone else in LA is afraid of eating something and becoming obese overnight.Since my New Year’s Resolutions involve not really worrying about that so much anymore, I made a damn mac n’ cheese recipe.  And let me tell you, it was a hit.  People were in LOVE with the mac n’ cheese.  It was a Los Angeles miracle!  So without further ado, I present to you City Hall Macaroni and Cheese.

City Hall Mac and Cheese

• 1 lb penne rigate
• 2 cups heavy cream (I am always flummoxed in the cream section, there’s whipping cream and heavy whipping cream, but no cream that is heavy cream, so I used the heavy whipping cream. I’m also bad with measurements, so I used the medium sized container, not the tall one, not the little one, the one right in the middle.  Exactly two cups!)
• 2 cups whole milk
• 1/2 teaspoon cayenne pepper
• 1/4 teaspoon nutmeg
• 2 cups (1/2 lb) American cheese shredded (I couldn’t find shredded American cheese at Ralph’s, and the only non-deli American cheese was in individually wrapped slices and that seemed like a bad idea, so I went to the deli counter ordered 1/2 pound of white American cheese in thin slices and sort of tore it up into pieces when I got to that step)
• 1 and 1/3 cups (1/3 lb) grated Monterey Jack cheese (I just used one 8 oz. package of pre-shredded cheese, and seriously, I don’t know how to convert pounds and ounces and get worried that I never learned that in school.  Maybe because I didn’t take home ec?  So, basically after I put it in the pan, I realized I used 2 cups of Monterey Jack.)
• Kosher salt
• Fresh ground pepper
• 1/2 cup Panko bread crumbs
• 2 teaspoons chopped fresh parsley (didn’t use)
• 2 teaspoons grated Parmesan cheese

First you preheat the oven to 350 degrees and butter a 9 by 13 in. baking pan.  (Like brownie pan size for measuring challenged like myself.)

Then do the pasta according to packaged directions for al dente.

Then the hardest step - combine the cream, milk, nutmeg and cayenne in a heavy sauce pan over medium heat and bring it to a simmer, making sure to stir it so it doesn’t get a gross skin and so that it does reduce to about half its volume.  (The book says about 15 minutes, I gave it more like 20 because I’m a slow learner.  The book also says to season with the salt and pepper, but I forgot.)

Add the cheese slowly, whisking along to way so it melts without getting clumpy or gross.

Then put the cooked pasta in the creamy cheese and mix together, the starch from the pasta supposedly helps thicken the sauce, SCIENCE!

Then put it in your buttered baking dish, sprinkle with the combined panko and parmesan and bake until golden brown and bubbly.  (The book says it will take about 15 minutes, but it took mine more like 20.)

Enjoy!!

I spent all day Saturday shopping and prepping for the first party I’ve had since Christmas and New Year’s Eve 2009.

I told everyone to be there at 7ish.  So when no one had arrived by 7:45, I was an anxiety ball that could not drink booze.  Instead, I practiced singing karaoke.  It was a cross between embarrassing and hilarious to sing karaoke alone in an empty room.

People finally started to arrive and I fed them and made them drink. (I made City Hall Macaroni and Cheese from this cookbook and it was quite possibly the biggest hit of something I’ve made, ever.) And then I forced everyone to do duets with me.  Waller basically made me sing the whole Blink 182 catalog.  Which was hilarious, and hard.  Allie and I sang something that was clearly very funny.

The sangria ran out, so I improvised with a spare bottle of red and some blood orange soda, and hunkered down next to the cheese plate.  YUM.

I had to work the next day (and so did a few of my guests) so we wrapped everything up around midnight, Seth and I cleaned everything up, and poor exhausted Lula passed out in the kitchen.  She didn’t even hear us go to bed.  I got her up and told her to go to bed, but she went back into the kitchen to sleep there. I finally heard her go to her room a few minutes later, but I’ve never seen her that exhausted.

I’m so glad I did it, you guys.

I have no recollection of what I did last year, because I didn’t write about it.  The only way I can remember anything now, is if I write about it and look it up the next year.  This is what happens when you’re in your mid-thirties, isn’t it?

On Saturday, we did our first IUI.  It was slightly weird.  The doctor, while my legs were in stirrups, my vag speculumed open, and my husbands sperm was being cathetered into my uterus, was talking about movies.  How he doesn’t like sad movies, like Blue Valentine.  I kind of wanted to changed the subject but instead I blurted out, “Well then, definitely don’t watch Rabbit Hole!  Dead baby movie!”  Which I immediately thought was a bad move on my part.  Like I jinxed it?  Anyway, everything went really quickly and we were back home in no time.  I pretended I needed to be on bed rest until I dragged myself out of bed and to the Farmer’s Market where I had to see humans.  Well, one human. Long time readers will remember Allie (she’s the best!), she’s still alive, she’s still awesome.

Today, I had a giant piece of red velvet cake at lunch that everyone pretended to share.

Tonight we went to Hatfield’s, had a four course prix fixe dinner (so good!), had a little spat with Seth, because apparently on my birthday I can be a little unreasonable. Through sickness and health, idiocy and unreasonableness, ’til death do we part, AMEN.

I also learned today that I am no longer in the demographic of the network I’m working for.  Which kind of cracks me up.  Poor 18-34 year olds, they’ll have to watch stuff made by an old ass 35 year old.  Who doesn’t understand their silly trends and wacky fashions.

Here’s to all of you!  And here’s to me!

I decided for my birthday I’d have people over to the house, but since I’m currently working on a wedding planning show, and I have weddings on the brain, I thought it would be nice to also celebrate my wedding that happened in September without much ado.  And then I realized we never had a housewarming party, so I thought I’d throw that in too.

I’m still trying to draft the awkwardly social e-mail that tells everyone to come to my house to sing karaoke, eat red velvet cake and drink sangria, and don’t judge me for not being able to plan a party.  Because I’m kind of scared no one will show up.  Or is it that I’m scared that they will show up?  I’m not sure yet.

I’ll have had my first round of IUI, so I won’t be drinking my own sangria (sad face) but I will be eating that red velvet cake.  And turning 35.   I guess what I’m saying is, I’ll be feeling fragile.  And not drunk.  And there’s that issue of the toad.  People haven’t really seen the toad.  I mean, I will be wearing clothes that sort of disguise the toad, but the toad is still there.  I love the toad, but will everyone else.

Also, I don’t understand how a karaoke machine works.  I’m guessing there is some sort of magic that makes the song appear on the tv?  Also, I need to learn how to make cake pops before then.  And also, take a class in decorating for a wedding/house warming/birthday party.

I’ll just be over here having a nervous breakdown party.  Care to join me?

I yanked this from Sundry who altered it from some other meme, and I love reading it on other people’s sites, so here I am struggling through it.  It seems like a good way to reflect on the last year.  It’s not too late to reflect, is it?

1. What did you do in 2010 that you’d never done before?

I got married! I formed a company with my husband and a third partner.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year??

If I made any resolutions, I cannot find them. I hoped I would get pregnant - didn’t. I’ve made some general resolutions.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Yes! My close friends from film school had a baby boy.  I have yet to meet the little squirt, and they’re moving to New Mexico like, yesterday, so I might have missed my chance to see him in infancy.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Yes.  My father-in-law passed away on October 1st.  It was… words fail to express.

5. What countries did you visit?

I didn’t leave the U.S. this year, but I’ve managed to a lot of travel.  Delaware, Berkeley, Seattle, DC, Delaware (again!)

6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?

I’d like to have a little better handle on my health.  And I want to have more time with my friends.
7. What dates from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

September 9th (my wedding day) October 1st (the day my father-in-law died)

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

At the time, I thought my biggest achievement was the weight loss.  Now I think the biggest achievement is giving up on the no-eating diet.

9. What was your biggest failure?

I did a fair amount of hiding from the world this year.  I think I needed it less than I imagined, but I still needed to hide a little.  This year, I plan on making sure I get out of the house for as many functions as I can without over thinking it too much.  Is this my “Biggest Failure?” I don’t know.  Maybe not, but seriously, I’m trying not to dwell too much on not getting pregnant last year.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Oh boy, I don’t remember any worse pain than the pain of discovering my ear drum was busted.  I went to the emergency room, spent several weeks on antibiotics and finally have a surgery scheduled to get it fixed.  I’ll be glad when my bionic hearing is restored.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

I have a really hard time spending money on things, but we invested in an editing system at home, and traveled when we could afford to stay in fancy hotels.  I cannot believe how much I love fancy hotels.

12. Where did most of your money go?

Debt repayment.  I was under-employed for a long time after graduate school so, I am still in serious credit card debt plus student loan debt, so most of my money went there.  Other than that, we treated ourselves to quite a few nights in fancy hotels.

13. What did you get really excited about?

I got really excited about the TV show we’re going to pitch in 2011.  I got really excited about a few other projects that have since been tabled.  And I got really excited about baseball.

14. What song will always remind you of 2010?

Dog Days are Over - Florence + the Machine

15. Compared to this time last year, are you:

– happier or sadder? Happier.
– thinner or fatter? Fatter
– richer or poorer? Almost exactly the same.

16. What do you wish you’d done more of?

I always wish I’d done more writing.  Completed more personal projects.

17. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Worry.  I need to worry WAY less this year.

18. How did you spend Christmas?

Christmas Eve we went to a party where I met someone I had a Movie Crush on as a pre-teen, he talked a lot about China.  Christmas morning Seth and I opened our presents while listening to Christmas music.  Then we packed and went to Seth’s mom’s house where we had brunch and drank champagne.  We took a taxi to the airport, got upgraded to first class and flew to Seattle.  It wasn’t magical, but it was perfect.
19. What was your favorite TV program?

I really liked The Walking Dead and In Treatment. Grey’s Anatomy is not as good as the first few seasons, but I still enjoy the characters even if the writing doesn’t seem as fresh.

20. What were your favorite books of the year?

I loved The Hunger Games (like every other blogger in the world), The Interpreter of Maladies blew me away, and Room was fantastic.  Check my 2010 reading list for more.

21. What was your favorite music from this year?

Florence + The Machine is my 2010 favorite I think, but I discovered her late.  I also listened to a lot of pop and hip hop this year and I think that Shots song is hilarious. 

22. What were your favorite films of the year?

I LOVED Exit Through the Gift Shop. 
23. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I am having trouble remembering what I did…  I’m pretty sure we ate at Dusty’s and went to bed early.  I was 34.

24. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Finishing personal writing projects, I have to get my ass in gear.  And an easy time getting pregnant.  Other than that, I think I did pretty well.

25. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010?

I think my personal fashion concept went from wearing nice clothes that fit me to wearing nice clothes that were too tight.  I hate clothes shopping because I always feel too large, but I think I did a decent job this year of not letting my size dictate how I dress.  I wore a sequined skirt to both a Christmas and a New Year’s Eve party and that my friends, is a bold thing for me considering I normally wear black and try to look as unnoticeable as possible.

26. What kept you sane?

Exercise kept me sane and then made me insane because I couldn’t keep up the level I decided was acceptable.  I wasn’t that sane this year.  Seth did his best to manage my moods, but I know that he is not responsible for my mental health, so we’re working on that co-dependent dynamic as well.

27. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010.

I hope this is one I remember when I’m old - make your plans about your end of life care very clear to the people around you, if you want to die at home, let everyone know, if you want the hospital to do everything they can to keep you alive no matter what, let everyone know.  And when you are close to the end, gather the people you love around you and let them know how you feel.

So, in an effort to, ugh, I hate even typing these words because it seems so dorky, prepare my body for pregnancy, I’ve stopped dieting, and um, that has caused a bit of weight gain.  It appears that, to me, not dieting means eating everything in sight, which includes booze, which isn’t exactly preparing my body for pregnancy, now is it?

I have a few confessions, now.  Maybe they’re more like excuses.  Maybe you’ll judge me and think I’m a crazy anorexic who needs to go back to therapy, maybe you’ll think I’m over-reacting, maybe you’ll nod your head in recognition, maybe you won’t understand, I have to get it out so I can figure out why I am so unhappy with my body most of the time.

I am twelve pounds heavier than I was last year at this time.  I know this because I write my weight down every day in a little moleskin notebook.  Seriously.  I’ve been doing it for years.  Last year at this time I was the lightest I’ve been since high school.  If you haven’t been reading me for very long, you don’t know this, but in high school, I was using meth.  So, last year, I was as skinny as I was when I was using meth.  How did I get so skinny?  I was working out like a crazy person, eating next to nothing, using Adderall (and other various and sundry prescription drugs that weren’t prescribed to me) to help starve myself, having major mid-cycle bleeding, taking way too much xanax, trying to get a prescription for pain pills because I was in agony all the time, crying a lot, and not sleeping.  I was generally not good.

Why?  Because I have a disease.  It might not be as bad as you’d see in an episode of Intervention, but I do have an eating disorder.  I also have an anxiety disorder.  I also have depression.  Also, I’m OK right now.  In remission.

I feel better now.  I’d rather it not be 12 pounds that did that, but hey, not being a drug user and an insomniac have their price.  I think I’m at the top of the weight range that feels good to me, the low end would be five pounds less than this, after that, I need to take drugs, exercise too much and not eat.  Who needs it?

My mom told me I looked “healthy” over the holidays, I was too scared to ask her if that meant I looked fat or thin.  Then my sister’s mother-in-law told me my face looked very round in my Christmas photo, but in real life it looked narrower, or vice versa, her English isn’t perfect.

Over Christmas, I started to feel my pants getting tighter and my shirts didn’t fall gracefully over my flat stomach.  There appeared to be a new bulge here and there and instead of freaking out about it and not eating anything but salads with low fat dressing (gag, I never want to eat another salad with low fat dressing again in my life, ever) I named my new belly the toad.  The toad is a small sized thing, but she is there.

You might think this is negative body talk, and it would be if you don’t like toads.  I happen to have a frog tattooed on my ankle.  I used to catch toads in my back yard when I was a kid.  Frog and Toad are Friends was one of my favorite books as a kid.  I like amphibians.  They’re part of my spirit menagerie.  Some people have a spirit animal, I have a menagerie.

I am taking it easy on the strenuous exercise because of the connection I see with my mid-cycle bleeding.  I’m also taking it easy on the chocolate and wine.  I am not dieting.  I am eating normal portions and drinking lots of water.  The toad seems happy where she is, she doesn’t have anywhere to be at the moment so she’s sticking around.   The toad and I knew each other before, but back then she was the enemy, and I was ashamed of her.  I covered her with baggy flannels (ah, the 90s!) and high waisted jeans.  Now I’m just wearing what I usually do and hoping my circulation isn’t too terribly cut off.  I’m fine.  The toad seems fine.

I figure if I get pregnant (IUI this cycle, my expectations are not high, just hoping for the best, not expecting too much, the usual) the toad will fill out and carry a tadpole, but for now, I’m just trying to get enough movement in my day so the toad stays at her relative size.  Mostly I don’t want to have to go jeans shopping.  It is hell, and I don’t want to do it.  I don’t care if that makes me “a Cathy.” Ack, I say.  ACK, ACK, ACK!

So anyway, this might very well be the year of the toad.  You will see me and notice I’m not as skinny as I was last year.  Maybe you’ll think I’m slipping.  Maybe you’ll think I look better.  Maybe you won’t notice because we’ll just hang out and laugh and sing karaoke.  Maybe I’ll stay in remission.  Maybe I won’t.  Maybe I’ll get pregnant.  Maybe I won’t.  There are no guarantees.  Let’s just take it one day at a time, shall we?

Also, do me a favor, if you comment, let’s all try to be gentle with me.  Remember, I have brain chemical problems that aren’t being medicated with anything but love right now.  Love and the occasional cookie.

All past reading lists can be found in this category cleverly called Reading Lists.  Welcome to 2011! (NOTE: All links are Amazon Affiliate links which means if you buy a book after you’ve clicked over from here, I get paid a small percentage for sending you there. If that bums you out, just think, most of the time I use that money to buy books for libraries in need via their Amazon Wishlist.)

45. Vampire Academy by Richelle Mead (12/28/11) I read this while suffering through pregnancy and jet lag and it was a semi-entertaining way to spend the 3am waking hours, but it didn’t fully pull me into the world.  Something about the main character rubbed me the wrong way and the way the author doled out information made me think I kept missing something. But it might be a good read for you Twilight fans out there.

44. How to Be An American Housewife by Margaret Dilloway (11/12/11) I wanted to like this but I found myself hating every character from the Japanese mother, to her GI husband all the way through her daughter, her son and her granddaughter. I feel like it was a good attempt but everyone rubbed me the wrong way.

43. Matched by Ally Condie (11/07/11) I liked this, I liked the world but I agree with a lot of the reviews I’ve read about it after the fact.  The main characters are really under developed and while the world is interesting it is a little unbelievable.  That said, I read it in one sitting.

42. What is the What by Dave Eggers (11/06/11) I didn’t like this as much as a lot of people did.  By the end I found myself picking up just because I’d invested so much time into it already. It’s definitely a good jumping off point though for further reading about the Sudan and the wars there.

41. Is Everyone Hanging out Without Me: And Other Concerns by Mindy Kaling (11/01/11) I really liked this and several times found my self laughing so hard I was wheezing.

40. Enclave by Ann Aguirre (10/16/11) I read this in one day and I think I need a little break from the dystopic future YA genre, but it still had some good moments. Just a little predictable and not quite as developed as I like.

39. The Luxe by Anna Godberson (10/16/11) This is a total guilty pleasure read, but I really liked it. It’s sort of Downton Abbey meets Gossip Girl.

38. Anne of Green Gables by L.M. Montgomery (10/9/11) This was the first time I’ve read it, and it was so charming. My sister and her best friend Cassie LOVED this book when we were kids, but for some reason I never read it. I’m sorry I didn’t. I loved it.

37. Case Histories by Kate Atkinson (10/7/11) I really liked this book. It could have all felt very convenient, but I loved the way she weaved the stories. I think I read Behind the Scenes at the Museum years ago, but I don’t remember, so it’s on my to read list again.

36. The Fertility Diet by Jorge Chavarro (10/3/11) Another in my fertility education stack of books.  It’s a good common sense read based on the Nurses Health Study and it kind of felt like I knew most of what was in the book before hand, but it was nice to hear it again and be backed up by science.

35. Divergent by Veronica Roth (10/1/11) I really liked this YA dystopic future novel, maybe even more than the Hunger Games.  Not sure why, but it probably had to do with the love story and the main character being more tuned to my preferences. Tris is badass, but she’s also freaked out by some of the shit she has to do. I recommend.

34. The Infertility Cure by Randine Lewis (9/27/11) This is a good reference book for people interested in using acupuncture to supplement their infertility treatments or in lieu of doing invasive procedures.  Sidestepping Western medicine isn’t an option in our case because of our diagnoses, but I think had our diagnoses been a little different, and had I not had a miscarriage earlier this year, I might try the acupuncture only route.  As it is, I’m going with acupuncture supplemental route and am really happy Naked Jen convinced me to do it. It’s kind of like therapy without all the talking.

33. IVF: A Patient’s Guide by Rebecca Mathews(9/25/11) This should have been the first book I read about IVF.  I know a lot now, and this book would have been a more neutral source for me to read. It marks the final book in my “Strictly about IVF” stack, so that’s a relief.  I still have a few about diet to get through before this is all over.

32. One L by Scott Turow (9/25/11) This was really dated, and was a little sexist and a lot whiny, but I did appreciate the author’s brutal honesty about his experience and how he behaved and reacted to being in the most prestigious law school in the U.S. I preferred Ivy Briefs, though, maybe because it was written in this century and by a woman…

31. The Magicians by Lev Grossman (9/22/11) Harry Potter for adults is being too generous in the overall description. I think Grossman does a good job of world building, but the characters left me cold.  I never felt like I could connect with any of them. It also felt too referential to C.S. Lewis and Harry Potter, it felt like the actual Harry Potter references were way too self conscious.

30. IVF: The Wayward Stork by Sarah Tursi and Lea McCarthy (9/20/11)  Another entry in my “educate myself on this complicated medical procedure” reading list. This was recommended on some site as a good guide for women going through IVF, and I’d have to say those people have zero patience or low threshold for reading things, because while it does spell it out, it is very brief. Very brief. Please don’t tell me I’m going to have to write my own book on this.

29. The Passage by Justin Cronin (9/15/11) My chief complaint is length related. It’s good long in some parts, I really liked learning about Carter’s back story (I thought he could have gotten to the point about 50 pages earlier) but then why did we then spend another million pages with Babcock being the guy destroying everyone. Seriously, if there is a sequel, I’ll probably read it, but come on Justin, if I’m seeing a gun in the first act, it better go off in the 3rd. And if you use a damned crossbow instead, I will throw that book at your head. Consider yourself warned.

28. The Couple’s Guide to In Vitro Fertilization by Liza Charlsworth (9/14/11) I’ve been feeling really uneducated about IVF so I purchased about 8 books to help me understand the process and what I should be doing to maximize my chances of getting pregnant through this very expensive and very emotionally taxing process.  This book has a few good chapters, and does a pretty good job of explaining all the steps, but there is a weird tone throughout about how women should treat their partners, reminding us (scolding us?) that they are having a tough time too. And we should make sure they pamper us, but don’t forget to pamper them.  It felt like I was getting advice from some 1950s time capsule and it made me want to throw the book across the room a few times.  That said, there are a few chapters I want to make Seth read, so he understands the process, because I don’t think he gets it yet.

27. Peeps by Scott Westerfeld (9/5/11) So good and fun.  Great exploration of the vampire trope.  Highly recommend for a guilty pleasure read.

26. 10,000 Steps A Day to your Optimal Weight by Greg Isaacs (9/2/11) This book should be about one page long and read, go outside and walk more you lazy slob.  Seriously not worth the paper it’s printed on.

25. Ready Player One by Ernest Cline (8/27/11) Super nerds, you guys are going to dig the shit out of this book.  I really liked it.  And I hope they make a kick-ass movie out of it.

24. Fledgling by Octavia Bulter (8/27/11) Uh.  Hmm.  Well.  This book is a pedophile/polygamists paradise.  I got the distinct impression Octavia was somehow defending the polygamist FLDS sects through her vampire novel and it creeped me the fuck out. The heroine is a 53 year old vampire but her physical body is about that of an 11 year old, and I feel like we’re expected to identify with the dude she mesmerizes and bonds to herself and fucks - even though he’s 23 and thinks she’s about 11. WTF? So weird. Also, I found it weird that there’s graphic hetero sex, but same sex sex is sort of a fade to white situation.  So basically, Octavia, may she rest in peace, is cool with a dude getting down with an 11 year old, but if she gets down with a woman, fade to white.  I don’t know, man, it’s a weird book. To top it off the edition I read has some serious typos. Just as some icing on the cake.

23. Bossypants by Tina Fey (8/25/11) I pretty much loved this. I think the only thing it was lacking was more of it.  I wanted more. Also, I wanted her to talk shit about the hosts on SNL she hated having to work with.

22. Permanent Midnight by Jerry Stahl (8/23/11) At first I really liked it and Jerry, then I really despised both the book and Jerry, and by the end I was just exhausted.

21.  The Help by Katherine Stockett (8/21/11) Ok.  So I read this knowing that a couple of people I consider friends in real life LOVED it.  And that pretty much every other review I’ve read of it called it racist and reductionist.  So… yeah.  It was a lot of things.  To me, it was suspenseful, it had some laugh out loud funny moments and the characters were about what you’d expect.  I found the concept of a white woman writing the stories of black (and white) women from an era she was on the outside edge of, pretty naive.  But, I also think if you want to write something, you want to tell a story from YOUR perspective, please, by all means, do so, but then don’t also write in the voice of the women you think you know.  Am I sad that there aren’t more novels written by black women that explore this complicated worker/employer relationship? Absolutely.  Am I glad Katherine Stockett wrote THIS book, actually, yes, because maybe it will encourage women of all backgrounds to explore their stories and write them down.

20. The Coffin Dancer by Jeffrey Deaver (8/14/11) My sister gave this to me as a good guilty pleasure mystery, and it totally delivers.  All of the characters are well drawn, the mystery has enough twists to keep you really surprised but not so surprised that you’re like, come on now… I recommend if you’re into this sort of book.

19. House of Leaves by Mark Danielewski (8/11/11) This was a re-read, and I have to say, the first time I enjoyed it way more.  This time I felt myself sighing and groaning at some of the ridiculous footnotes and asides.  Also, I’m concurrently reading Permanent Midnight and I found the Johnny Truant character sounding WAY too much like Jerry Stahl in some passages and I would get irritated that it was a complete ripoff.  But all of the stuff in the actual house, when they’re actually exploring is still so riveting, and when I got up after I was done to put the book back in the library, I got freaked out walking down the hall.  So, I won’t heartily recommend this book anymore, but I haven’t completely written it off.

18. Graceling by Kristin Cashore (8/5/11) This is a great YA novel sort of in the vein of the Hunger Games, but more towards Game of Thrones in the world it takes place in.  Really liked the protagonist.

17. Charm City by Laura Lippman (7/31/11) I liked this one better than the first one in the series, it’s a slightly predictable mystery, but still a fun read.

16. Game of Thrones by George Martin (7/29/11) I tried to read this before the series finished, but life got in the way.  I really liked it.

15. And Here’s the Kicker: Conversations with 21 Top Humor Writers on their Craft by Mike Sacks (6/22/11) I’m not normally labeled “comedy writer” but I do write for a comedic reality show, so I consider myself one.  And this book has some great information in it, kernels of wisdom from people I absolutely adore (Jack Handey and Larry Gelbart (RIP), I’m looking at you!).  If you write comedy, or you love comedy or you just like reading interviews, this is definitely something you should pick up.

14. Spoiled by Jessica Morgan and Heather Cocks (6/6/11) This would have been like crack for me in about 7th grade.  Very frothy and fun.

13. Taking Charge of Your Fertility Toni Weschler (6/5/11) Well, I am now reeeeally familiar with cervical fluid and temperature tracking.  Also, properly timed intercourse.  If I don’t get pregnant this cycle, I’m going to start tracking.

12. The Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follet (6/2/11) I have no idea why people are calling this book a masterpiece and Oprah is recommending it other than it is really, really long.  It is also really, really trashy.  Like Valley of the Horses trashy.  And rape-y.  I liked a lot of it though, and until the end thought it was decently written, but when he starts doing flash-backs to stuff, he does it really terribly and hackily.  All that said, if you have a big beachy vacation coming up or a really long boring train ride to fill, it could be the perfect read.  But get it on your kindle, because this book is effing HEAVY.  979 pages heavy.

11. Confections of a Closet Master Baker by Gesine Bullock-Prado (5/23/11) This was a welcome relief to read after all the stuff I’ve been reading about lean protein and whole grains.  Nothing like an injection of butter, white flour and pure sugar to cleanse your palate.  The parts I think a lot of people will enjoy - her dishing about Hollywood and how much she hated every single thing about it (besides all of her insane perks) - are the parts I thought sounded like the lady doth protest to much-ing.  But whatever, it’s a cute little memoir.

10. 8 Weeks to Optimum Health by Andrew Weil (5/22/11) I’m doing some of the things he suggests in this book, bringing fresh flowers home, eating more fruits and vegetables, and it’s inspired me to try to make time for cooking and taking a walk at lunch instead of just sitting at my desk all day.

9. The Body Fat Solution by Tom Venuto (5/20/11) I randomly found this when I was searching for information on metabolism and how to keep your body from slowing your metabolism down.  It’s basically an embarrassing self help diet book, but ummm, I really liked it.  It sort of took a lot of my fear about always being just a little unhappy with my weight and made me realize that yeah, if I want to look a certain way, I’m going to have to change what I’m eating.  Paired with the Kessler book below, some good progress on my mental front has been made.

8. The End of Overeating: Taking Control of the Insatiable American Appetite by David Kessler (5/15/11) I think Linda recommended this and since I’ve been struggling with the office kitchen, the office cupcake and cake issue and the office food truck situation I decided  read it.  It goes on a bit too long about the food industry and the “solutions” section is a bit short, but it’s a good first look at what we’ve done to our appetites and therefore our bodies by eating processed food.

7. Dirty Secret: A Daughter Comes Clean About Her Mother’s Compulsive Hoarding by Jessie Sholl (2/9/11) This was recommended by Finslippy, and I really liked it.  It was equal parts fascinating seeing the world of a hoarder through a daughter’s eyes, and also seeing the daughter’s own dysfunction through her own eyes.  I recommend it.

6. Gregor and the Prophecy of Bane (The Underland Chronicles, Book 2) by Suzanne Collins (2/6/2011) I didn’t like this one as much as the first one.  I thought some of the suspense and the misdirection was too obvious how it would all turn out, but I am not exactly the intended age group/audience… so there you go.  This does not mean I won’t be finishing the series.  Once I start something I finish it.  Except for you Wheel of Time saga, except for you…

5. Gregor The Overlander (Underland Chronicles, Book 1) by Suzanne Collins (2/5/2011)  My sister gave this to me for my birthday (another kindle edition) and I loved it.  My 9 year old niece is really into the series and I can totally see why, it’s a mix of Alice in Wonderland, Mrs. Frisby and the Rats of NIHM, Chronicles of Narnia, and maybe a little Harry Potter.  Highly recommend for kids.

4. Baltimore Blues (Tess Monaghan Mysteries) by Laura Lippman (1/27/2011) My sister gave this to me for my birthday (kindle edition) and it’s pretty entertaining.  I was expecting it to move a little faster, but maybe that’s because it was my first time reading on the kindle?  I don’t know.  It’s definitely pulpy guilty pleasure material.

3. I Capture the Castle by Dodie Smith (1/21/2011) I adore this book.  It’s very much Jane Austen with a more modern feel.  I highly recommend it.

2. What I Talk About When I Talk About Running by Haruki Murakami (1/3/2011) There is some fascinating insight into the mind of a runner and a writer.  I learned a lot about his process and saw a lot of myself in him as a runner.  Recommended for runners and people who live with runners.

1. Born to Run: A Hidden Tribe, Superathletes, and the Greatest Race the World Has Never Seen by Christopher McDougall (1/1/2011) I really enjoyed this.  It’s entertaining, informative and made me want to get my ass out there and start running again.  Recommended for runners.

More: physical activity, reading, creativity, dance parties at home, cooking, doing, seeing people who make me laugh, telling people I appreciate them.

Less: complaining, television, over-thinking, worrying, sitting, being mad at my body for being imperfect.

Happy New Year!

I rang in the New Year in the back of a bar in Delaware watching a crowd of people give their livers a workout, and I drank several shots of something called “whipped cream flavored vodka,” while dancing to the most expensive cover band in all of Delaware sing songs I didn’t like in high school.  Then we came home and ate spicy left over Chinese food and talked and laughed and woke up this morning refreshed and happy.

I hope your 2011 is fantastic.