Published by admin on 30 Oct 2005
Much to their dismay, they were driving up a steep pass on a two lane highway, following a large U-Haul. It was snowing. The roads were slippery. There was fog. The U-Haul driver grew up in Arizona, where the only snow she had to deal with was the fake kind you spray on Christmas trees. The worst was yet to come for them. The driver of the U-Haul had earlier that week left the parking brake on while driving. Making the brakes a wee bit sketchy, at least in her mind. Once she reached the summit, they breathed a sigh of relief, only have that sigh turn into one of disgust as she drove 14 MPH down the other side of the mountain.
I’m not sure where to begin.
First of all, let me get this out of the way.
Dear La Grande, Orgeon tourism board,
“La Grande Loves Company” is your slogan? You realize that “Misery Loves Company” isn’t the best phrase to rip off, right? I mean, I get it. But I don’t ‘get it’. Maybe tourists on average are a little dumber than me, but seriously, the first thing I thought was, “Wow, La Grande must be a miserable place to visit.”
Have you ever seen those big 18 wheelers that carry cars on their trailer? I’m sure you have, they drive all over carrying cars to dealerships across the U.S. Now, have you ever seen an action movie? You know, where they do kind of crazy stunts where someone drives off of or onto one of those tractor trailers? I’m sure you have, it’s a pretty common staple of the Michael Bay school of Directing Action Movies (oh, that would be an awesome school!). Finally, do you think that if another semi-truck slammed into the back of one of those tractor trailers completely devasting the its cab and making the car that was in the further most back postion of the trailer disappear in a mile of rubble, that the driver survived? I don’t know. All I know is, it looked like I had been transported back into LA and was on the highway set they built for The Matrix: Retarded and was seeing the tail end of a very complicated stunt. All the elements were there, except for the fact that it was Utah, on the 1-15, and I’m pretty sure the only cameras rolling were the news cameras.
Here’s a helpful tip, screaming “SHUT UP!” at Owen when he won’t stop meowing, won’t, in fact, make him shut up. Neither does turning up the radio louder, but it does make you feel better.
No truck stop hot dogs were consumed.
My inner Teamster might be a little dead now. I’m not sure if the need to drive across country in a vehicle that has a mind of its own will ever strike me again as being a ‘good time’.
Driving into Seattle via the I-90 is highly recommended by me. You have to see it. Amazingly beautiful country.
I’m so glad I got to help my mom move to her new home. I complained a little (a lot). I freaked out when I had to drive over two mountain ranges in the span of two hours. I wanted to stick Owen in the back of the U-Haul. I smoked too many cigarettes, possibly to punish Owen for not shutting up. I listened to a really good book on tape. I told my sister the directions she gave me must be totally wrong, then had to call her back when I got myself really lost. I got to see my adorable nieces again (the second time in 2 months). I really had a great time. I hope my mom is happy in Seattle.
Unfortunately for her, moving her mother across the country only served to show her how far away her family really is and how nice it would be to have someone right around the corner to make her dinner and loan her books. But her life is somewhere else. So she takes an early flight back to Lalaland and decides that the holidays will have to be enough.