Awkwardly Social

I don’t know how my sister does it. Hanging out with the kids is exhausting. But then Fiona tells me I’m her best friend, and it all becomes worth it.

Earliness disorder got me to the airport 2 hours early. heh.

Scaredy pants disorder made me get off the shuttle 2 stops early. guh.

Lameness disorder made me stand behind all the other lamotrocious people waiting to hear my row called. ugh.

Drinking disorder made me order a Bloody Mary. yum.

Cuteness disorder has me wanting to eat the new baby’s face off. double yum.

Wild streak disorder had me racing the shopping cart all around the QFC to make Fiona laugh. sigh.

You know when you have decisions to make and you sort of sit around hoping someone will tell you which road is the best road, or the blue pill is the one you should swallow, or even to tell you to keep sitting? You worry about sitting too long because one or the other thing might slip away. You worry about going down a path that you can’t get off. You wonder if your life has started or you’re still just waiting for it to… go. You worry that it might always feel this way, this waiting and debating. You think it will never get easier, in fact you sort of know it’s only going to get more complicated.

I worry that I’m never going to get it together. That there are too many people who can do what I can do, just… better, or more quickly, or even worse, but they have a better personality.

I’m a mess.

Everyone in this town is just waiting for August to end. August, from what I can tell, is the slowest month. Nothing happens. People go on vacation. Life sort of slows to speeds slower than traffic on the 405. I’m glad it’s almost over.

I wish I could show you the house my friends have rented. I can’t because I’m sure Mels and Jordan would get really pissed if a stalker came to the house to ‘hang out’ and ‘accidentally murdered us’. Believe me, it is awesome.

I think while we’re there we should try ‘light as a feather, stiff as a board’ and Bloody Mary. Then I can right off the expenses as ‘research’.

Two more days until I’m floating in a pool. Two. More. Days.

I’m having a shit day.

It’s actually not that bad. Glass is half empty. But I’m sooooo looking forward to a week in Seattle with the nieces and sister and bro-in-law.

A week!

Also, the weekend gets kicked off by a trip to Palm Springs (where there will be a pool) and Sunset Junction! I love Sunset Junction - gays, fried food, fun vendors and free music. What’s not to like?

I’m feeling better already, weekend here I come!

1. Wake up a teensy bit late (but not hung-over!) for the 7:50AM meet time with Louie.
1a. Get coffee and hold it over the passenger seat so as not to spill coffee down the dress.
1b. Listen to Kid A, wonder why people like Radiohead, listen and listen and still do not figure it out.

2. Arrive at Louie’s.
2a. He hands me a distinctive blue bag.
2b. Inside that bag is a distinctive blue box with a white ribbon.
2c. Find a distinctive tiny blue suede thingy inside blue box with white ribbon.
2d. Feel like the sappy girl in that damned commercial that takes place in Italy with the shouting and the whispering, “I love this man.”

3. Pick up Great Uncle.
3a. Learn about Great Uncle’s back problem.
3b. See Louie checking on me in rear view mirror.
3c. Touch necklace.

4. Arrive at the temple.
4a. 30 minutes early.
4b. Stare at the head thingies and the sign on the door that says, “EVERYONE must cover their head before entering the temple.”
4c. Wonder if “EVERYONE” includes me.
4d. Ask Louie.
4e. Louie is no help.
4f. Put a lace thingie on my head.
4ff. With a bobby pin.

5. Sit.
5a. At 25 minute mark when the speeches by the parents begin. Rejoice.
5b. Look at program.
5bb. Um. We haven’t even made it through the first section.
5c. Sigh.
5d. The stages of grief have begun.
5d-a. Denial - It can’t last much longer.
5d-b. Anger - WHY ARE THEY CHANTING AGAIN! IN HEBREW!
5d-c. Bargaining - The program says the service lasts until noon. It can’t be right. She already did her reading/chanting thingy. Only a couple more minutes now.
5d-d. Depression - I’m going to die in here. I’m going to die in this temple. God is killing me.
5d-e. Acceptance - This is fine. It’s a once in a lifetime thing for her and her family. Fine. And, free food is coming. Totally fine.

6. Eat bagels and lox.
6a. And Louie’s cookie.
6b. And Louie’s other cookie.
6c. And Louie’s other, other cookie.

7. Go to Cousin’s house.
7a. Meet more people.
7a-a. One of those new people was smart enough to “not be able to make it” to the ceremony.

8. Go to Hollywood with Uncle on a nefarious errand.
8a. Louie looks good in a suit.

9. The party.
9a. HAS AN OPEN BAR!
9b. AND, HORS D’OEVURES!
9c. Great Uncle asks if I play tennis. When I say no, he looks at me with a twinkle in his eye, “How do you stay fit?”
9d. Laugh. Because OPEN BAR! makes everything funny.

10. Sneak out of dinner early.
10a. It is our anniversary after all.

Happy Anniversary, Louie.

Thanks for putting up with all the drinking, pouting, and general bad moodiness.

“I wish I was at the beach.”

I hear it very often. My friends. They are beach people. People who go to the beach. And enjoy it. Love it. Swim in the water. Lay in the sun. Boogie board. Surf.

Whenever I hear my friends repeat the siren call from the beach…siren (?) I sort of shrug.

“Meh. It just won’t be the same without the beach house.”

The Malibu Waller Beach House that I cried for today. While driving in Malibu.

I had to drop something off up there. Windows were rolled down. KIIS FM was playing (I know, I know, it’s shameful.) I merged onto the PCH and the Pacific Ocean stretched out beside me, beckoning. Like a lazy lover who knew all it had to do was show me how pretty it was. Fucking Pacific Ocean.

Lined with millions of Malibu Waller Beach Houses, smelling like summer, warm but breezy. It called out to me and I had to remember how much I love the ocean. I took it all back. All the times I said, “I’m not really a beach person.” All the, “Meh, it’s so far,”s. All those times that I forgot - how it smelled, how it sparkled, the dolphins, the rescued sea lion - all those forgettings just…washed away, and for that hour long drive up and down the coast…I was a beach person.

I wished I owned a beach house and that my friends would come and drink margaritas while toasting marshmallows in the fire pit. I cried a little.

It might.

Be.

PMS.

I’ll keep you posted, but for another 12 hours, “I wish I was at the beach.”

it’s sitting on the kitchen counter.
rotting.

i wish i was sitting on the kitchen counter.
with it.

not rotting.

-Wake up not too late, not too early.
-Roll over to the spot where your boyfriend slept, and snuggle his pillow.
-Walk to the Sev for coffee. It won’t be too hot or too cold.
-Get a call to do your laundry.
-Get your laundry done with only one crazy person asking you for money and then staring at you while you fold your underwear.
-Get a call to go swimming, because your friends housesit for people with pools. In their backyards.
-Go swimming.
-Have your boyfriend pick you up for your dinner with friends.
-Make sangria at your friends’ house.
-Drink four glasses of sangria, and don’t fall down.
-Laugh.
-Learn about ‘remote viewing’.
-Look at your friends in wonder. Because they know what ‘remote viewing’ is.
-Believe in remote viewing and stop putting it in quotes in your head.
-Fall asleep with your boyfriend snuggled around you.
-Wake up with no hangover.