Awkwardly Social

I just sighed and said, “Oh god,” under my breath. Not a worried ‘oh god’ more of an ‘I’m so exhausted of myself and these dumb posts’ oh god.

The whole hospital bag thing is confusing to me.  Do you people have extra cosmetics and shit that you can just pack away and not use?  Because I don’t.  Also, my comfortable “coming home” clothes are the clothes I’m currently wearing to work.  Yes, I am wearing pajamas to work.  Basically.  I don’t care.  What I’m trying to say is, how can I pack my work pajamas when I need to wear them?  Also, I use my camera and my iPhone (mp3 player) daily.  How exactly would I pack those things before hand?  Am I really going to be so out of sorts I can’t throw my make-up and work pajamas into a bag while I’m having contractions?  No really, tell me honestly.  Do people just live really far from the hospital and their husbands can’t drive the 15 minutes home to get some shit you forgot?  (Obviously, I’m not talking about during labor, but during that time after the baby is born when he’ll probably need to go home and, I don’t know, check on the dog? Hmmm… maybe I need to make sure someone else can check on the dog? You guys, I am so clueless.)

I’m making a playlist for labor, but honestly right now I feel like every single song is just going to bug the shit out of me while I’m in pain.  Maybe I just need my rain mp3? Did you have awesome songs you loved on your playlist, or were you like fuck this shit everyone shut the fuck up?

I had my last appointment with my acupuncturist before she left for maternity leave, I’m going to miss her. I hope the ladies covering for her don’t bug the shit out of me.  Basically, everything and everyone does right now, so the odds are not in their favor.  Poor new ladies.

The dumb bassinet still hasn’t shipped.  What the hell, non-Amazon vendor?  7 days to get something shipped?  That seems… really old school.  I’m used to Amazon’s nearly instant shipment notification and 2 day free prime shipping.  The fact that everyone doesn’t do that makes me crazy.  Get on the ball, small time companies!  Or Amazon will gobble you up!

Seth “installed” the car seat and I got into the car, turned around and wiggled it and it slid about 3 inches back and forth and I was all, “IN WHAT UNIVERSE DOES THIS SEEM SAFE TO YOU?!” And he got all defensive and I was all grumpy and wow, parenting with me is going to be sooooooo fun, right?

These diapers are too small.  I’m scared.

I actually lost a pound this week.  Not sure what that’s about.

Please don’t let me go 2 weeks past my due date.  I am not a nice person to be around right now.

Why do you put your wallet and phone in your pocket when you’re leaving the house if you’re just going to then spend time digging them back out of your pocket to get into the car?  And again at the restaurant.  And then at the valet.  And then back at the car.

Why do you say you’re ready to go, when you still have to put on your shoes and your shoes take you like 20 times longer than a girl to put on?

Why are you waiting for me to get into the car so you can close my door, when all that time could be spent digging out your stupid wallet and phone from your pocket?

How is it possible that you think you only need 10 minutes to shower and get dressed?  It takes you that long to move from the coffee drinking/paper reading phase into the bathroom.

THIS IS WHY WE ARE ALWAYS LATE.

I woke up in the morning, and put on my paternal grandmother’s cherry sundress (something old), my sister’s blue cocktail ring (something borrowed and blue), a handmade flower in my hair (something new) and we drove to the Beverly Hills Courthouse.  Said, “I do!” And what a year it’s been.

This morning, we woke up, drove to Beverly Hills and talked to our doctor about IVF.  Happy Anniversary, baby, I’m giving you a bunch of medical bills as my traditional one year anniversary of paper.  I hope you like it!