Archive for the 'Crazytown' Category

Published by admin on 15 Mar 2016

Protected: Winter is Coming

This content is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Published by admin on 01 Aug 2012

Hippy Dippy Voodoo

I’ve been having some breast feeding issues.  I have great supply, and no issues getting Moe to latch, but his latch is extremely painful, to the point of me dreading feeding him.  I grit my teeth and grimly accept that every couple of hours I’m going to be in considerable pain and this will continue for the rest of my life (or you know, the next 6 months or so).

I did what any normal middle class woman would do.  I cried.  And felt sorry for myself. A lot.  And then asked my friends for recommendations.  The woman that was recommended is on vacation so I called the random person she suggested on her answering machine.  I figured what the fuck, it can’t be worse than 20 minutes of extreme agony every two hours, right?

This crooked little woman arrived at my house and I did my best to just breath.  We went through different latch techniques and she noted that his jaw is a little out of whack for easy breast feeding, then when we were done with all of my learning she noticed that he arches his back a lot.  During our initial conversation, I told her about his birth and that it was kind of traumatic for both of us.  She brought that up and said that because he was trapped on his way out he’s still struggling to find a comfortable place in this world.  I sort of get that.  I also sort of think it’s all kind of hokey.  She said she wanted to do a CranioSachral Therapy session with him and handed me a pamphlet.  I read it and basically she just puts her hands on his back and feels his spinal fluid and redirects the flow if there are blockages?  Honestly, I skimmed the thing.  It seemed pretty harmless and as a total believer in energy flow with acupuncture, I figured it couldn’t hurt.

She held him for a while, but he refused to get comfortable with her, so I sat next to her on our weird big loveseat chair/sofa and breast fed him while she touched his back gently.  Then she told me she was feeling some blockages or tightness around his abdomen… And reached underneath him and touched his umbilical cord.  His stump hasn’t fallen off yet at 3 weeks, which is kind of a long time, considering, and she said that this might be why.  Then, she started talking to his umbilical cord.

I know.  Don’t.  You guys, if I wasn’t a complete hormonal emotional mess myself, I would be laughing my ass off.  But as soon as she said, “You don’t have to hold on anymore, your job is done, Moses is safe,” I fucking lost it.  So I’m sitting there on a loveseat chair/sofa, tit out, with a strangers hand between my boobs, feeling Moe’s tummy, listening to her talk to his umbilical cord and sobbing.  If this was a scene in a movie, everyone would be like, “Los Angeles is crazy, but come on, this is taking things too far.” But there I was.  And she kept talking.  She talked to that umbilical cord.

Then, noticing the flood of snot and tears falling on her hand she started to work on me.  And she guided me through a visualization of Moe being born the old fashioned way.  And I sobbed the whole way through that too.

Then finally she went back to softly touching Moe’s back and she watched as he nursed in his sleep and decided that his jaw was loosening up.  Then she asked about my jaw.  HA.  FUCKING. HA.  I told her about my TMJ and my current cheek chewing situation and she told me that I needed to work on it so that Moe could relax too.

It’s all very synergistic and woo-woo stuff that you have to buy into or it won’t work.  But I will say, while I’m still an emotional mess when I really think about that trip to the OR, my boobs hurt a little less while he’s nursing and that is all that matters.  I think.

Published by admin on 08 Nov 2011

Protected: Purged

This content is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Published by admin on 04 Nov 2011

Protected: Numbers still rising, bloat still bloating

This content is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Published by admin on 04 Oct 2011

Protected: Starting…. NOW!

This content is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Published by admin on 26 Sep 2011

Protected: Side Effects may Include Threatening to Boycott a Huge Pharmacy that doesn’t Give a Rat’s Ass about Your Business

This content is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Published by admin on 10 Jun 2011

Protected: Third Time not Charming in the least

This content is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Published by admin on 12 Dec 2009

Protected: Stop me if you’ve heard this one

This content is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Published by Tamara on 26 Mar 2007

Anxiety, suspense and lasagna

Waiting for Lula is killing me.  I’ve only had about 15 minutes with her total, so here’s hoping she isn’t an insane killer cocker spaniel who eats people’s faces.  She’s like Hannibal Lecter.  All polite when she’s behind bars but let her out of her cell and it’s eating your liver with a side of fava beans time.

My car broke again this weekend and I spent a few hours looking for a car loan and a car to buy and I almost died from the sheer terror of it all.  I took my car in this morning and it’s only $85 to fix, so my car is spared from a sad death of being chewed up by a big old magnet.

Because I am an insane crazy person, I decided that the dog was the reason my car broke down.  It was some sort of scary bad sign that my dog is a serial killer with cute spaniel ears.  Cutting onions is a good way to cry without really having to get the correct crying emotion to your tear ducts.  Usually when I have money problems I don’t cry, I just get all snappish and sigh a lot.  But I felt like crying so, I made a lasagna for my friends who came over and talked about cooking blogs and comic books.  It was a delicious lasagna if I do say so myself.  My friends liked it too.  There was, however, a catastrophic tiramisu failure, which had me really bummed until I realized baking is not really a beginner sport.  If I want to bake I have to pay attention and not miss steps.  Whereas in cooking if you forget to add the basil, you can just do it later.  Louie saved the day and purchased a tiramisu cake instead.

I have no idea when Lula is going to be able to come home, but as soon as she is, you can bet there will be a lot of dog blogging going on over here.

Published by Tamara on 17 Apr 2006

Hello, Drama, Meet your Queen

I am happy to report that an apartment has been secured. I will not have to fashion my queen sized pillow top mattress and box spring into a makeshift bed on the top of my car. I will not have to give up any of my books. I will not have to clean pigeon poop off the balcony. Again.

Actually, that last one is not true. Because I spent an hour yesterday cleaning pigeon poop off the balcony. It seems that the fake owl is no longer scary to the little bastards. Pigeon poo is remarkably resistant to cleaning and simultaneously easy to clean. It seems that pigeon poo is a dichotomy wrapped in a paradox.

We met with my weird landlord yesterday. He asked Louie weird questions. Then we all signed a lease and french kissed on the couch. (My landlord has mad skills, yo.) And in that moment I felt like Atlas, if someone had taken the world off his shoulders and given him a two bedroom apartment in the prettiest little neighborhood in all of Los Angeles.

Louie took a picture of me laughing on the balcony and managed to capture all four of my forehead veins. Apparently, when I laugh, I look hideous. Good to know.

I don’t know how to stop the drama queening in situations like this. I don’t like taking a step and not knowing if there is solid ground to catch me. It’s just me, I guess. Thankfully I have a partner who is more than able to enforce a calm zone around me, letting my stress bubble only extend to arm’s length.

Older »