Published by admin on 16 Aug 2010
I want to say hi to all the readers coming from Kristin, my dear friend, someone who has always inspired me to be more honest and say what I’m really feeling. I am fortunate to have met someone like her, no matter how hard I tried to sabotage our meeting each other. I used to be really scared to meet new people. Now, I’m just older, and don’t really worry as much about what people think of me, also, I take xanax. It’s amazing what modern pharmaceuticals and a couple of years of black out drinking can do for a person. So, welcome!
This weekend I spent Saturday in bed, when I told my friend that he said, “Oh!” as only an openly gay man can, and I shook my head and said, “No, not that way.” And he said, “Oh….” And we laughed. I’m trying to get pregnant, but not like all day long. Mostly this weekend I was trying to fight the plague that a certain group of story producers leaked into our shared bullpen. (Their show rhymes with rodrect prungay, they are the sickest! I think because they work harder than we do, their show is 3 times longer than ours, and they have 3 times the staff…) Still no baby, but a full fledged cold has been incubated. Yay, me?
I just read an excellent post by Cecily about personal blogging and how we oversharers, people who talk about their addictions, their fuck ups, their lady parts, are rare in the current “blog market.” New bloggers fiercely protect their identity and their brand because they want large corporations to pay them cash money to write about a small segment of their lives. Cool. Just, not for me.
I’ve never been a brand. I’ve never advertised on this page. The only money I’ve made on this blog is on this post about how much I love my insurance company. I wrote the post, it showed up in my poor insurance company’s new media guy’s google alert 5 years later, and they offered to pay me to include a link to their page. That’s about how much effort I’m willing to put into making money on my blog. I admire writers who are able to turn their blogs into money making ventures, but that’s just not ever what this place was for. I was inspired by Pamie, and then I found a small group of people who were in the same place in their lives writing about their experiences and I connected with them and laughed and tried to make them laugh.
The best part about writing here is that I’ve been writing about my life for six years. Not the weird rambling repetitive shit I write in my paper journal about my idiotic obsession with success, how I wish certain people were dead because I hate their guts, and why I am so ever loving sad and nervous all of the time. The stuff I write here, while it might not appear so to the casual reader, is edited, refined and written for a reason other than to complain. I can sift through my own archives and figure out where I was 5 years ago. (Oh god, I just did that, wow, it’s been a long 5 years… different boyfriend, different house, different Tamara.)
Now, six years later, I write for a living. I work in reality tv partly because I know there are smart people out there who will see the ridiculous moments we’re putting in there for their pleasure. I think I also work in reality because of this page, writing here has helped me see how the reality of a situation can be made funnier. How the reality of a situation can be improved with a wink, wink, nudge, nudge.
This Robitussin isn’t going to take itself, so I best get on that. I hope it doesn’t kill the yet to be conceived baby…